A Binding Pledge
by sillykiwi
Summary: When Grant's wife died he failed to deal with the life insurance policy. Now in order for him to keep his kids safe if something happens to him, he has to be married. That's where Zach comes in. After all, that's what best friends are for, right?
1. trailer

"We gather here today in celebration of the legal binding of Grant Newman and Zachary Goode..."

**Wait, what?**

_Back up...._

"Sorry, Mr. Newman. Unless you're married, we don't have that type of coverage for you and your kids."

_When Grant's wife died he failed to deal with the life insurance policy. Now in order for him to keep his kids safe if something happens to him, he has to be married._

**But Grant knows no one can replace Bex... so he turns to his best friend. **

"Hey Zach?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Do you want to be my partner?"

"What, like on a mission? Sure."

"No, I mean life partner."

_And while Zach isn't too amused with this proposition, he knows that Grant loves his kids, and_ **is willing to do anything to protect them.**

"What the fuck? No."

"Why not?"

"Have you always been like this, man? Because I'm not changing in the locker room with you anymore."

_Sort of._

_But between_ **kissing Grant;**

"I am not doing that."

"Just once."

"No."

_A_ **sexy attorney;**  
**  
**"Attorney Morgan. The first thing I'd like to say is, I think it's great that you've adopted kids. And they're so adorable too."

"Uh, right. Those are our kids. Because we're life partners. Yeah."

_And, uh, looks from his co-workers, can Zach keep up his most ridiculous cover?_

"...I now pronounce you partners. For life."

"Man, you so owe me. And I mean a trip to Vegas with strippers galore."

**A tale of love,**

"I hope you know I hate you now. With a passion."

"Passion. Passion's good. Keep it up."

**trust,**

"They have to be fake. No one can be that well proportioned and that insusceptible to my charm and wit."

"She thinks you're gay."

"Oh. Yeah."

**and friendship;**

**A Binding Pledge**

coming _out_ soon.

* * *

**so this is kiwi and lily's first collaborated story. we hope you guys like it. review please. **


	2. prologue

—**january 29th, 2016**

The gray sky suddenly colored with bright light as thunder echoed throughout the cemetery. Rain started to fall over the open grave and onto the cherry wood casket.

The pastor opened his bible and read a passage before saying, "Heavenly father, you have called Rebecca Newman to join you in heavenly kingdom. We ask that you bless her and that you bless her loved ones while they mourn."

When he finished, the burial employees got down on their knees and wheeled the handles as the casket slowly descended twelve feet into the ground.

Grant Newman was speechless as he stood in front of the open grave and held onto his daughter and son for dear life, afraid that he might lose them too.

He felt a firm hand on his shoulder and looked over to see his best friend, Zachary Goode standing behind him.

Grant's daughter wriggled from his grasp and lifted her arms up to Zach, asking him to pick her up. He lifted her into his arms and she buried her head in his neck, and soon he felt hot tears on the shoulder of his shirt.

Zach cleared his throat and looked up to the sky, blinking back tears threatening to fall. Zachary Goode does not cry. His spy training proved that.

He looked towards Grant and nodded, "I'm going to—uh, take the kids to the car. Give you some alone time with Bex." He cleared his throat once more before taking Grant's son by the hand.

Grant stood silently by the open grave for a moment before he cleared his throat, "I guess this is goodbye," his voice was scratchy and cracked every other word, "for now anyways," he tilted his head back and gave a tired sigh, "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this by myself. I can't raise Brenan and Jayla all alone," he tried to reason with the grave, "and I can't replace you." His voice was broken and filled with emotion.

Not wanting to say anything more he grabbed a handful of dirt from the pile on the ground and dropped it over the grave.

* * *

written by lily, posted by kiwi. kiwi says sorry for the wait, she didn't get lily's PM until just now. kiwi has no idea why she's talking in third person. she better change now.

hi! anyways. yes, it's short. no, the first chapter is not written DON'T BLAME LILY BLAME ME. but, it will be. soon. have i told you i'm making a SWAC fic? four words. chad. sonny. switch. bodies. whoo.

**things you should know/review questions:**  
-it's not all going to be sad like this. mostly, it'll be funny. like the trailer hopefully was.  
-THANKS FOR THE FIRST BATCH OF AWESOME REVIEWS. and i referred to it as a batch because i just made some cookies, which i am currently eating right now.  
-in case ya'll don't know, MY VCR BROKE AND I CAN'T RECORD GOSSIP GIRL. horrible, i know. AND IT STARTS IN A MERE THREE DAYS! THREE DAYS!

BASS!  
(the official outro for the sillykiwis. it is us going up and disappearing dramatically into a cloud of alcohol and scarves.)

this was probably longer than the actual story. i'm sorry. i ramble too much. will you still review? (oh yes. clever ploy, kiwi. clever.)


	3. chapter one

**sorry people! lily forgot to edit a bit. her bad. **

"Dude, we kicked ass today." Grant said, walking into the locker room and pumping fists with Zach.

Ryan, one of their coworkers came in, "How did you guys become so good at basketball? You guys play like pros."

Grant groaned and tilted his head back in anticipation. Zach pointed to both of them and smirked, "Spies." Grant laughed out loud, "You totally set yourself up."

Zach shrugged. "Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do." He smirked.

Grant developed a teasing smile, slinging a lazy arm over Zach's shoulder, "Even when its me." Zach's bottom lip quivered and he had to hold in his laughter. When he sobered up he slung his arm over Grant, "When and where, sexay?"

Ryan laughed, "You guys are fucking-"

"Epic?" Grant supplied. "I know."

Zach's forehead crinkled at the word "epic". He patted Grant on the back, "Sure, you can be whatever you want to be, honeybear."

Grant looked at Zach and grinned, "Thanks buttercup." They looked towards eachother and pouted their lips, making kissy noises.

Ryan gave them a blank look and walked out of the locker room, shaking his head. Once he was out of earshot both guys burst out laughing, "This is like the mission in Prague all over again." Zach snorted.

At that moment, a tall, pretty, black-haired 27 year-old walked into the locker room, wearing a short skirt and a white blouse. She stopped as soon as she saw Grant, looking annoyed.

"McHenry, you're in the men's locker room," Grant stated.

Macey gave him a sarcastic smile. "Really, Grant? Thanks, I really wasn't aware of that. Thanks for opening my eyes, dumbass," she said. "Anyways. I was going to use my ten minute break to go and get a coffee, but then your secretary told me to tell you that you have a call from the insurance agency, and you should get there ASAP." She said this all in one breath. "I thought you sorted out all this insurance crap months ago? Or are you slacking on this too, just like everything else?"

Grant glared, "Fuck you, McHenry. What are you going to on your break? Call last nights entertainment? Or are you going for number twelve? I swear, you're the epitome of the saying 'hit it and quit it'."

"At least I can get someone of the opposite sex to sleep with me. You have to settle for cocky boy over there. Feel free to think of any sexual innuendo you want; I can probably top it."

Ryan came back in, hearing the last part of the conversation. He looked between Macey, Grant, and Zach. "I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now," he said.

Macey sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Get out, whoever you are," she snapped.

"I'm Ryan, I've been working with you for the past six years." He stuck a hand out.

Macey was getting even more annoyed now. She took Ryan's hand, twisted it around his back, and pushed him out of the locker room. Then, straightening her shirt, she returned back to Grant and Zach. "You should go, too."

Grant picked up his bag and made way for the door.

"And get me a coffee!" She added.

--

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Newman. Unless you're married, we don't have that type of coverage for you and your kids." The insurance agent sighed and began typing on her keyboard.

Grant ran his hands through his hair, "B-but, I thought I had more time."

The woman shook her head, "We gave you a year to grieve, but Mr. Newman, your wife has been deceased for almost four and a half years." He blinked, "What am I supposed to do?"

She sighed again, "Like I said before, you have to be married. If not; your children can and will be taken from you."

"You can't do that! They're all I have left!" He protested. She shrugged unsympathetically, "You should've thought of that three and a half years ago," she paused and winked at him, "but if your desperate, I'm willing to have a quickie down at city hall."

Grant ignored her, frustrated. "Married," he clarified. The agent looked a bit stiff from the blatant rejection. She nodded.

The agent didn't seem to understand- No one could replace Bex. No one on the face of the fucking Earth could replace her.

Grant considered killing the insurance agent (making it look like an accident, of course), but decided against it.

"You have three months, Mr. Newman," the insurance agent said cheerfully. "Or your kids are gone.

Later that night Grant sat in his living room, typing away on his laptop. Jayla came bouncing in with a huge smile on her face, "Look, daddy! I got an 'A' on my spelling test. The smartest in the class."

Grant smiled and took the paper out of her hands, "That's great, sweetie. I'll put it up on the fridge later."

She smiled and bounced back out of the room. Soon Brenan was in his place, "Dad, can I go out for football? There's try outs next week."

Grant nodded, "Sure, we'll go out and toss the ball around tomorrow after dinner." Brenan nodded and walked out of the room but not before coming to a halt, "Oh, and before I forget, my principal wants you to call her. She thinks your smokin. Whatever that means."

Grant sat there for a moment, puzzled, before his phone started vibrating. Zach was calling, great.

"Did you get an A on your spelling test too?" Grant greeted, not bothering to say hello.

"Uh, no," Zach replied, sounding confused.

"Then what do you want?" Grant asked.

"Yeah, good evening to you too, Newman. Is that any way to treat your best friend?" Zach said. "Man, I'd do anything for you, and you just... this, cruelty..."

"Get on with it, Zach."

"I hope you aren't teaching your kids this," Zach continued.

Jayla came back to Grant and tugged on his sleeve. "Yeah, sweetie?" Grant asked.

"Something smells bad in the kitchen," Jayla said. She made a face. "Gross."

Grant stood up immediately. He smelled burning. "Oh, shi- Talk to Uncle Zach for a minute, kay?"

Jayla grabbed the phone and started rambling, "Uncle Zach, guess what! I'm the BEST speller in my class, I can spell Tyranasourous Rex. Wanna hear? T - y - r - a - n - a - s - o - r - o - u - s. R - e,"

Grant came in a minute later and gently took the phone from Jayla's hands, "Everything is better. Go heat up a Kid Cuisine, okay?" she nodded and ran out of the room.

"Is there actually a reason you called? Cause I have things to do." He said.

"Actually, yes. I know about what happened at the insurance office. Let me say, by the way, if you WERE to have a quickie, do it with someone like Anna Fetterman. I did her once, let me tell you, she's anything BUT quiet in bed."

"How did you..." Grant trailed off, half afraid of Zach's answer. He could imagine Zach pointing to himself as he said, "Spy."

"Or Kim Lee. She swears in Korean when I-"

Grant cut him off, "Right, I'm not sleeping with one of your recycled girls," Grant told him.

"What are you and Uncle Zach talking about?" Jayla asked, coming back inside the living with an unopened Kid Cuisine in her hands.

"Nothing, sweetie," Grant told her. He opened the boxed for her and she ran back into the kitchen.

"What about Brenan's principal? She thinks your smokin'," Zach mused.

Grant was partly disturbed by this. "How do you know about that? Wait, don't answer the question."

Zach nodded, "Yeah, well I didn't want anything else. I actually have to go, hot blonde sitting at the bar. See ya, dude."

After Zach hung up the phone he swung around and smirked at the girl, "What's your name?"

"DeeDee." She answered simply, taking a sip of her martini. Zach smirked again, "I asked for your name, not your cup size." He winked at her.

She gave him a half smile, "Yeah. Look, you're cute and everything, but I'm waiting for someone. My boyfriend actually." she said.

Zach shrugged, "I can keep a secret. Its sort of my job."

She shrugged, "Thanks, but no thanks."

"This guy bothering you?" He asked.

Zach smirked at such a clichéd question, taking another sip of his beer.

"It's nothing, let's go," DeeDee muttered, sounding flustered. Zach's ego swelled a little bit.

"No. I want to know." The boyfriend continued. "Is this guy bothering you?"

Zach looked over at the boyfriend. He was wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt. "Didn't realize your boyfriend was a frat boy," Zach told to DeeDee sympathetically.

"Let's go," DeeDee repeated.

"What the hell?" The boyfriend asked. "Who is this guy?"

"Watch what he puts in your drink, sweetheart," Zach said.

The boyfriend sent him a cold stare as he walked away, "Don't do that, Fratty Boy. If it stays like that girls won't want to do body shots off you."

When he walked away Zach pursed his lips, "Speaking of..." he turned to wink at a pack of girls sitting in a booth, "Who wants to do body shots off of this?" he lifted up his shirt and they all pretty much fainted.

--

Grant sat on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers over his wedding photo. He sighed and placed it back on the night stand. He laid down and ran his fingers through his hair.

It wasn't fair. He couldn't remarry. If only someone would do him this one favor. Suddenly an idea sparked. But he couldn't...

_"Man, I'd do anything for you." _

Yeah. He most definitely couldn't.

He could always ask a friend of his. He thought about all of his female friends. There was... McHenry.

Right, that's going to be good for your mental health, Grant thought. And considering it's McHenry, VERY good for your physical health.

His thoughts flickered back. Maybe, he could. After all it was just a cover, and it wasn't purposely FOR him. It was actually for his kids, and he said he'd do anything.

He rolled over and picked up his phone. He stared at the number for a few minutes, debating between pressing the call or end button. He pressed the phone up to his ear and waited anxiously for him to pick up.

"Hello?" the voice slurred while girls were giggling in the background.

"Hey. Can you come into work early tomorrow? I need to ask you something...."

* * *

**this only took forever. apologies? haha, chuck. um. that was random. we enjoy making macey a bitch. we also enjoy making zach like the old chuck bass, a party boy. we also like the word epic. we also like reviews.**

**are you getting the hint?** :D


	4. chapter two

"This shit is nasty," Zach complained, pouring out his coffee into the sink, picking up the sugar and pouring it inside the now-empty mug, followed by the creamer.

Grant watched his friend, his forehead creasing. "Creamer? What are you, a chick? You're supposed to drink it _black_." Zach didn't hear him, too busy scarfing down his new drink. When he was done, he had a white line above his lip. "You're disgusting."

"Who's the girl now?" Zach joked, putting his cup down. Macey walked into the kitchen. "'Sup, McHenry."

"I can smell your hangover breath from here, Goode," the black-haired girl snapped. "Also, get a life." She walked out.

The two men stared at each other. Then, Grant broke the silence.

"You sober yet?" He asked.

Zach shook his head, patting down his hair. "Nope."

Grant sighed.

–

**30 minutes later**

"You sober now?" Grant sighed for the fiftieth time. He glanced at Zach who was still drinking his chick coffee.

He looked up from the mug and tossed it in the sink, wiping his mouth with a napkin delicately. "Yup. Not sober enough to go on a mission, but sober enough to understand complete sentences."

Grant sighed, embarrassed by what he had to say next, after checking the room for bugs and video cameras, he sighed. "Dude, I need you to marry me."

Zach stopped for a moment before slowly inching away from Grant. "Man, have you always been like this? 'Cause if you have I'm not changing in the locker room with you anymore."

It only figured Zach would be that immature. He hadn't really changed since he was 17. Grant quickly relayed what his insurance agent had told him. "So you want to get married to me?" Zach asked, still backing away slowly. "Um, flattered, but uh, I don't swing that way. Don't root for that team. I'm not on that side of the field."

"Please? You said you'd do anything for me and my kids." Grant reminded.

"Yeah, um, I didn't mean getting married," Zach replied, at the door now. "I'm uh, not ready for commitment, and also, I'm not gay."

"Fine, leave, but you can explain to Jayla and Brenan why, in three months, they're going to be taken from me." Maybe he could guilt trip him, I mean, Zachary Goode might have a conscience.

"Uh, yeah. Let me wait till I'm sober and I'll get back to you. I think I'm still a little drunk. Bye!" With that, he ran out of the kitchen, only to fall down the stairs a few steps later.

That clumsy son of a bitch.

–

**2 hours later**

Zach blinked his eyes open, feeling drowsy.

"Oh, you're awake," an extremely hot nurse said, smiling. Zach smirked lazily. "Good. I'm just going to check your vitals real quick."

"What happened?" Zach asked, looking around. He was in the CIA hospital.

"You, being the dumbass you are, fell down three flights of stairs. Good job, moron," Macey's patronising voice cut through the air.

Zach craned his neck to see Macey sitting on the couch with her phone in one hand, texting someone boredly. "Does she have to be here?" Zach asked the hot nurse, who shrugged. "Where's Grant?"

"I'm here," Grant said, appearing on the other side of Zach.

His eye widened. "Whoa, you got superpowers or something?"

Grant shot a glance at the nurse. "Was it necessary to give him drugs?"

"He kept groping the nurse," Macey told him, getting up and looking at her colleague. "He's pathetic even when he's half conscious."

Zach laughed. It was more of a giggle, really.

"Yeah, well, I have a question to ask him, McHenry," Grant snapped, irritated. "And I think he needs to be sane when I ask him."

"Pretty necklace, Macey," Zach commented.

"What, are you proposing to him or something?" Macey scoffed. She took one look at the expression on Grant's face and burst out laughing, actually doubling over. "Holy shit."

Grant pointed to the door and glared at Macey. "Get out, McHenry. Now." He tried to use his threatening, don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-shoot-you-where-it-hurts stare.

Macey ignored it, laughing as she grabbed her purse. "Alright, you don't have to pout about it, Newman. I'm sure he'll marry you, since you're such a _great catch_."

He glared and pointed to the door, she continued laughing and grabbed the door, "Bye, Macey!" Zach waved to her.

Macey just laughed and winked at them, "See ya later lover boys."

"Uh, Zach," Grant greeted nervously, inching towards his friend's bed. "Hi. You feel alright?"

"Never better, super duper," Zach laughed.

"So, uh, Zach., I have something to ask you." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Zach smiled, "Ask away, buddy boy."

"Will you marry me? In the fictional sense?"

"The wha- sense?" Zach asked, yawning and pressing the button on his IV drip to increase his morphine dose.

"Think of it as a cover," Grant said. "And this is just one big mission."

"I like missions," Zach stated, grinning broadly. "Especially ones with girls. In Europe."

"I'm sure you do, Zach. So will you marry me?" Grant asked, his moral compass spinning. He was taking advantage of his drugged out friend. But it was for a good cause, therefore he was allowed to. Right?

"Anything for you, best friend," Zach replied. Then he started singing. Then he fell unconscious.

_Crap,_ Grant thought, _I should've got that in writing._ He looked at Zach's sleeping figure and shrugged, at least he agreed. Hm, he should probably be getting to the insurance agency, so he doesn't have to have a quickie with that creepy agent.

-

"Ah, Mr. Newman, come to have a quickie? Just give me a minute to grab my purse-"

Grant cut in anxiously, "Actually I won't be needing your services. Marriage wise, I mean." The agent's face fell. "But thanks anyway! And no, I don't want to have a quickie."

He sped off down the hallway quickly, flying down the stairs until a sign caught his eye. **LGBT MARRIAGE SERVICES** read the shiny plaque next to the door. He looked around before opening the door and walking inside.

The inside looked, like a law office. There was a green couch and a desk with a lamp on it. He took a seat on the couch and looked around, waiting for the lawyer, or whoever worked here.

A dark blonde walked in, and damn, was she hot. Maybe he wouldn't introduce her to Zach. Or maybe he would, it would be an incentive to the marriage. He looked at the girl again, she was on her phone, "Yeah, I got it Mr. Solomon, but what am I going to do?"

Zach decided to call Grant at that exact time. "I am so glad you picked up, man, what the fuck am I doing in the CIA hospital?" Zach cried into the phone. "Hang on a sec." Grant heard sounds of him flirting with someone.

Out of the corner of his eye, Grant saw the dark blonde girl get off the phone and begin tapping away at her computer. He raised his voice the next time he spoke. "Sweetheart, I don't know what we can do if the church doesn't want to marry us," Grant said loudly. "I thought Jesus loved everyone, even if they were gay."

"What are you going on about?" Zach asked.

"Well, I'm looking at some lawyers right now," Grant continued. "Yeah, I know your parents are coming in a week! I don't know what to do unless we get a lawyer."

"Ohh, is this code for a stripper... dressed as a lawyer?" Zach questioned. "I see where you're going with this. Continue."

"Okay, well I'm at uh," Grant looked at the logo on the wall. "The Happy Marriages Law Firm." He tried not to smile at the name. "It's downtown. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you soon. Bring Jayla and Brennan."

"What the fuck?" Zach asked, before Grant hung up on him.

The blonde was standing with a smile on her face. "Hi," she greeted, holding out a hand for him to shake. "How may I help you today?" A few minutes later, Grant and Zach were sitting side by side on the couch while Jayla and Brennan looked at the goldfish tank. The blonde sat down in front of them, leaning forward and smiling again. "Hi, I'm Attorney Morgan. You can call me Cameron or Cammie, first thing I'd like to say is, I think it's great that you've adopted kids. And they're so adorable too."

Zach, who was finally in his right mind, was obviously confused but hid it like the good spy he was, instead awkwardly proclaiming, "Uh, right. Those are our kids. Because we're life partners. Yeah." Then resumed staring at Attorney Morgan/Cameron/Cammie's chest.

"So, how may I help you today?" Cammie asked.

* * *

**Lily here! Let me just say that we enjoy making Grant and Zach gay. We also enjoy Puck, Matt Lanter and Damon Salvatore. We aren't very happy with Chuck Bass at the moment and we hate Jenny. But did you guys like the chapter? And how we put Cammie in there? You guys should review and tell us what you think(:**


	5. chapter three

"Uncle Zach?" Brenan asked later that night, "I have a question...about sex," he finally said, shifting uncomfortably.

Zach choked on the cookie he was eating. Wasn't this kid like, ten? "Uh, sure buddy. What do you want to know?"

"How do you do it?" He asked.

"Um," Zach began. It wasn't that he didn't know (he's Zachary Goode!), it was that he didn't want to explain to a ten year old. "Why do you want to know, Brenan?"

"I heard Daddy talking about it earlier, and he seems to talk about it alot. Is it fun?"

"Yeah, pretty fun." Zach smirked. Grant entered the room. "Uh, but you should never do it, because you might get pregnant, and die."

"But I'm a boy. And I thought that only girls could have babies because it comes out of their vagina or something."

Zach's mouth dropped open, "Where did you learn that?" He turned to Grant, "What the fuck are you teaching him?"

Grant shook his head and Brenan continued, "Dad didn't tell me, Uncle Zach. I learned about it in Biology," Zach stared at him, "Y'know, science?"

"Soon, my boy, you will learn that science is a waste of time."

"ANYWAY," Grant said loudly, before his friend could corrupt his son anymore. "Brenan, can you leave for a few minutes? Uncle Zach and I need to talk about something important."

Brenan nodded and left, and Zach looked at Grant. "Yeah, we kind of do need to talk about something important." Because after the shit at the lawyer's office had gone down, Zach's small brain had finally connected the dots and it took all he could to not kill Grant. "Dude, I'm not marrying you."

"Well, we kind of already hired the lawyer."

"You say lawyer like you would say stripper. It's offensive."

Grant rolled his eyes, "Whatever. You wanna talk about offensive? Okay, lets talk about how you wouldn't stop staring at her chest."

Zach shrugged, "She had a very nice brooch on her shirt."

"First off, you mistook the word brooch for boobs, and second, how the fuck do you know what a brooch is?"

"I did grow up with six sisters."

"And I remember sleeping with half of them, your point?"

Zach stared. "Which ones?"

"Uh, Courtney, Lisa, and Katie."

"Oh. That's why they wouldn't talk to me for like, three months after you met them."

Grant checked the time, it was past midnight. "Are you going to be staying over night? Because it's already one o'clock."

Zach held up his hands. "Didn't I just tell you I wouldn't be marrying you? Stop pressuring me! Not all of us can turn gay overnight."

"I'm not asking you to be gay!" he hissed, "Maybe just a little...bi?"

"Fuck no."

Grant rolled his eyes and kicked him in the knee. Hard. "I guess you're too hurt to go home. Stay in the guest room."

Zach rolled his eyes, "Fine. But if you sneak in my room during the middle of the night I'm kicking your ass."

Grant shook his head, "Don't flatter yourself."

"Your face... shouldn't flatter itself," Zach muttered, getting off the couch and walking into the guest bedroom.

"Goodnight," Grant called.

"Don't pressure me!" Zach yelled again.

* * *

Zach walked down the next morning and sat at the breakfast table, yawning. He glanced over at Jayla, "Why are you pouting?"

"The government sucks." She said.

"What do you know about the government? Aren't you, like eight?" He asked.

She huffed, "I'm ten Uncle Zach."

Zach was confused. "I thought he was ten," he pointed at Brenan.

Brenan shook his head, "I'm twelve Uncle Zach."

Zach nodded, "Twelve huh? I guess you're old enough to know about sex," he felt Grant kick him under the table. He hissed and glared at him, returning his attention back to Jayla, "Why does the government suck?"

"Because," she started and took a big breath, "We watched this video in class yesterday about a princess. Except she didn't fall in love with a prince, she fell in love with another princess, and the government told them they couldn't get married because princesses were supposed to marry princes and not other princesses. And then the princess who loved the other princess was sad and she jumped off a draw bridge." Whoa. That little girl had a pair of lungs.

Grant nodded, "I think people should marry whoever they want to." He gave a direct look at Zach.

Zach glared, "Stop pressuring me!"

Jayla looked between Grant and Zach. "Are you guys gay?" she grinned, "Because that would be AWESOME! I'd have two daddies instead of one!"

"No, it would not be awesome," Zach argued, while Grant gave Zach another look. "You need a mommy to help daddy control sexual urges. Otherwise, who's gonna be victim to daddy's sexual urges? That's right. The hypothetical daddy number two. And hypothetical daddy number two does not appreciate shit like that."

* * *

**Happy Marriages Law Firm  
****10:45 AM**

"So, when do you two plan on getting married?" Cammie asked, leaning forward as she assembled a collection of documents in front of the couple.

Zach seethed silently. Grant blinked. "Er, like, three months?" Grant said uncertainly. He looked at Zach, who got all broody, and stared at Cammie's chest again.

"Mr. Goode?" Cammie asked, tilting her head to the side. "Are you okay?"

Grant kicked Zach and coughed loudly. "Oh, yeah, he kind of has a wandering eye. But you know, it always comes back to me." He accompanied this statement with a smile. Zach flipped him the finger under the table.

Cammie nodded, "Oh, okay," she stepped back, "Would you like another attorney? Perhaps a male? My brother Jonas is certainly qualified."

Zach smiled through gritted teeth, "No, no. A women is fine. Wouldn't want this one ," he punched Grant in the knee, "leaving me at the alter."

Grant hissed and grinned, "That'd never happen, honeybear."

Cammie smiled. "Aw, you guys are so adorable. Let me go grab some papers from the back." She turned and walked out the back door.

Once she was gone Zach turned to Grant and glared, "I hope you know I hate you. With a passion."

"Passion. Passion's good. Keep it up."

Zach glared. "Bite me."

Grant smirked. "Let's save that for tonight," he laughed, "Honeybear."

* * *

author's note: _so, it's kiwi here. _**and lily!** _wasn't that like, really epic?_ **it was SO epic.** _i think my brain just exploded from the epic-ness of this, lily. or something less weird._ **mine too! but like, a good explosion.** _yeah. like a um, bassplosion :D_ **YAY! new catchphrase! BASSPLOSION!** _so, please review, i mean, isn't it this epic?_ **I think its epic. Kiwi thinks its epic. But do YOU think its epic? [the answer's totally yes.]**

**Oh, by the way. We don't own ALL of this epicness. Just some of it.**


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